Symptoms, Side-Effects, Surgeries, and Seattle

Well, it's been quite a month.  Yes, I know it's not even half over...anyway, a few things to share this time around:

SYMPTOMS and SIDE EFFECTS.  Man, chemo has been brutal lately!  Thanks to all my blogger buddies who checked in on me over the last two rounds -- I've completed eight, with four to go!  That's 2/3 of the way through.  Yeah!  Unfortunately, I've gotten sick on the last two rounds...once on Sunday morning, then again this last round on Friday night.  In both cases, I probably should have taken additional anti-emetic medications, but decided not to...and I'm learning that is a BAD decision.  At the same time, it really doesn't make me look forward to the next four rounds.  Which got me thinking...

With everything I've been through fighting this bug called Cancer, I've never had a single symptom.  Not one.  Oh, don't misunderstand -- I've had headaches, nausea, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, memory loss, blurred and double vision, vertigo, weakness, and fatigue -- but every one of those were caused by either brain surgery or chemotherapy.  Approaching my tenth year battling cancer, I still have not had a single symptom from the cancer.  This must be the difference between a symptom and side-effect.  I've had side-effects -- just no symptoms. 

So in my case, the "cure" (though it's not one yet) is worse than the disease.  It is extremely difficult to convince myself that chemo and surgeries are necessary, when I don't feel sick.  Now, before you start drafting that e-mail, rest assured that I've tried homeopathic and naturopathic doctors, The Cancer Diet, MangoSteen, Xantha, Acai Berry, Antioxidants, and probably every other "cancer cure" you've read about in the National Enquirer or gotten forwarded to you in a spam e-mail...and without going down a lengthy rabbit hole, let's just say I've settled on conventional medicine.  But that doesn't make it any easier.  Round #9 starts on August 24th...bring it on.

SURGERIES.  Okay, some of you know I had my six-month MRI and follow-up with neuro-oncology and neurosurgery.  Having left California, I'm now being seen at Bethesda Medical Center and/or Walter Reed Medical Center in Maryland.  Both are military hospitals, so that's not ideal...but I have good news:

They're referring me to the National Institutes of Health (NIH) one of the leading research centers in the world.  Specifically, the National Cancer Institute -- that is SO awesome!  I'm so blessed to be able to be seen by some of the greatest physicians on the planet.  Second, more good news -- the cancer showed NO progression!  That's the awesome news we were hoping for.  The chemo appears to be working.  However, it's not all wine and roses...the neurosurgeons here are far more concerned about my condition than the surgeons at Cedars-Sinai, where I've been going for the past nine years.  They were amazed that I had decided to leave a tumor in my brain, and "hope" that it doesn't progress, metastasize, or upgrade.  Dr. Rosen (has anyone seen "Fletch"?) at Bethesda recommended going immediately on a path to another surgery, and removing the tumor.  We talked about it for almost two hours, and he eventually left the decision up to me -- and (see above) with no symptoms from the tumor, no and signs of growth or progression, I have no incentive to go back into surgery.  Is that the right decision?  Who knows.  What do you think?  Surgery has been far more harmful and traumatic to me than the cancer ever has been...so as long as the cancer is contained and I'm asymptomatic, what justification is there for surgery?  Thoughts?  It's a tough one, isn't it?

SEATTLE.  On a lighter note, training for Seattle has begun!  Two weeks ago I started my marathon training for the Seattle Marathon in November.  I'm using the same training plan I used for Big Sur, which worked very well...based loosely on The Penguin's book "Marathoning for Mortals."  If you haven't read it, it's outstanding...even if you don't like the training plans, the commentary and advice is wonderful.  Finally, the Garmin ForeRunner 405 is amazing.  I love it.  Thanks for the advice, Momo -- you were right!  I'm at about 30 - 35 miles per week, averaging about 7:43 per mile...I think 3:45 at Seattle is realistic.  By the way, if you're following the story, I saw JD in Seattle a few weeks ago, and he looks great!  The first time I've seen him since his dramatic weight loss, and he's a completely different person.  And he's already running 10 - 11 miles on his long runs!  He's an inspiration to many, especially ME.  Running in DC is a joy...different from running along the ocean every day, but it's always fun to explore a new town (one of the reasons I never run the same marathon twice).  Isn't that part of the fun?  

Well, that's it for now -- thanks again for all your prayers and support.  For those who asked, Pooh and The Monkey are doing just fine...and as cute as ever...here's proof:

Worth running for?  You bet.  Worth fighting for?  ABSOLUTELY.

Yes, I'm Still Alive...

Has it really been almost a month since my last blog?  Wow, time flies...

Well, no doubt I've been remiss -- both in my blogging and my running.  Moving and starting a new job with a wife and baby is pretty time-consuming!  

In short, all is well.  Pooh and Monkey are both doing wonderfully, and so far we love the VA/DC area -- we've almost completely moved in (only a few boxes to go), and I started work again last week.  Going to be some long hours on this one...they don't mess around in The Big House.  Regardless, we've found a bit of time to do some "touristy" (is that a word?) things:

Better yet, we found a great sandwich shop (called Firehouse Subs), with great sandwiches and brownies...little Monkey was a BIG fan:

Unfortunately, my running has really declined...simply no time...but as we're getting settled, I've gotten the chance to run from work a few times.  It will be outstanding -- excellent running here in DC, and I can't wait to explore a bit more.  Monday starts my training for the Seattle Marathon, so I'll have to increase the mileage in a BIG way.

Last bit of news -- a writer for RaceCenter Northwest magazine actually read my blog, and contacted me about it...they've now written a 2-page article about my running the Seattle Marathon with my buddy JD, and it will appear in next month's issue -- I'll post a link if it's in the online version.  I saw a read-ahead copy of the article yesterday, and I think it turned out pretty good!  Finally, I start chemotherapy round #8 tomorrow, so your thoughts and prayers would be greatly appreciated, as usual...I'll keep you posted!  

I'm Back!

Greeting! Thank you so much to all of my blogger buddies who checked in on me during the move -- you're so thoughtful! Being relatively new to the blogosphere, I somehow thought then when you don't blog for a while, folks just sorta stop reading your blog or forget about you...on the contrary, I found that I got as many comments when I wasn't blogging as when I was. So many people asked about the move and everything else...this blogger community is truly that, a community.

The move is nearly complete. After 3,128 miles of driving, most of it with a wife, baby, and 21-pound cat, we arrived in Alexandria, Virginia on 28 June. I checked in to work shortly thereafter, and the movers showed up with 12,200 pounds of furniture and books (mostly books) on July 2nd. Now, I'm living in a sea of boxes -- it's quite an adventure! I must say, this is my 13th move in 35 years, and it doesn't get any more pleasant or any easier. I'm not sure how many more of these I can handle! Fortunately, we really enjoy our new place, and love the area. If any of you are ever in DC or Alexandria/Springfield, please let me know!

In other news...I started my seventh round of chemo a few days after we arrived, and finished last night. Yesterday was a rough one, and I spent most of the time curled up on the sofa feeling pretty miserable. Or neighbor is also a runner and triathlete, so we've already had a few discussions on the topic -- he invited me for a quick 4-miler (he runs sub-7, so I'm not sure how much running we'll be doing together), but I just wasn't feeling up to it. I feel a bit better today, and actually made some progress opening boxes! I also finally got my new Garmin ForeRunner 405, and I love it so far. There is still a learning curve and I haven't figured everything out yet, but I think I'm going to love it. Thanks Momo for the good advice on the ForeRunners!

Between 12-hour days of driving and chemo, I haven't gotten many runs in...one in Cheyenne, on in central Illinois, and one here in VA...but I'll start putting more miles in as I prepare for the Seattle Marathon in November. I'll post more later...with ForeRunner screenshots! Yeah! Thanks again to JK, Streak, Jen, Alili, Stronger, and everyone else who checked in on me during the move...we made it! You all are awesome! More soon...

The New Normal

Two quick things to start:

First, thanks to all of you who were so encouraging with regard to my swim times and my "Iron Dreams."  Thanks to you, they're still alive!  

Second, I apologize for dropping off the map for a week or two...if you are or have been in the military, or if you're a dependent like Momo and JK, you know that every few summers is PCS (Permanent Change of Station) season!  Yep, that's me.  I'm headed to the Pentagon in about three weeks, and I just got back from taking Pooh and Monkey over.  I'm back just to pack up the house, graduate, grab the cat and the car, and head out behind them.  I've been repeating to myself, "Don't forget the cat, don't forget the cat, don't forget the cat..." for several weeks now.  I flew back on Monday, and sat in the empty house for a while just thinking...what did I used to DO when I was single?  How did I use up all this time?  MAN, it's quiet in here...there was a baby three or four rows back who cried for almost the entire flight from Denver, and it was strangely comforting...who would have thought I'd find comfort in a crying baby?

So it's been a bit hectic around here lately.  Not to mention that I started chemotherapy (again) this week.  Round number six...four days in, and I feel absolutely miserable.  I wish I had a better report, but that's the truth.  Woke up about 4:45am this morning with terrible nausea and cramping, and fought it for about six hours -- only started feeling better just a few minutes ago.  Doesn't help to be going through it solo, with my support structure (Pooh) and my beautiful baby girl absent.  Fortunately, we have a tremendous support structure through the church and through friends, who have done everything from shopping to making meals and watching the cat while we were gone.  Thank God for friends!

So, the trip to Los Angeles last month has brought with it a realization.  As long as my wife and I have been fighting this cancer battle, our hope has been that we would beat it and go back to our normal life.  This disease is an obstacle, like the wall at 20 miles, that we just need to push through so we can win.  Once we "fix this," we can go back to normal.  Well, we've recently had to rethink our approach.  Coming up on 10 years of fighting, including two brain surgeries and 18 (so far) rounds of chemotherapy, with many more to come, we both realize...there is no "going back" to our other life.  This does not appear to be a situation where we "beat it" and go back to normal.  On the contrary, this is the new normal.  Cancer will be a part of our lives now and in the future.  Even if we beat it (a third time), it will still be there, hovering overhead, lurking in the back of our minds at every annual checkup.  Once you face a foe this formidable, you can never go back to what you thought was your "normal" life.  You find that "normal" just changes.  

I'll make it through this round, and the next one.  And the next.  The neuro-oncologist mentioned records of folks staying on chemotherapy for as long as five years -- and if that's what's in store, so be it.  Bring it on.  Faith, family, and friends -- including the "extended family" of bloggers -- will carry me through.  Thanks for all your support...and welcome to The New Normal.  Anyone up for a run?

Iron Dreams

We all have ambitions, and most of us have ambitions within marathoning, ultras, or multisport.  Perhaps it's qualifying for Boston, perhaps it's becoming IRON, maybe you're as crazy as Donald and want to complete the Western States -- maybe even get a belt buckle!  

Well, after a few marathons, a few years ago I set a goal of competing in triathlons, eventually working my way toward becoming an IronMan.  I've always been a biker, and a fairly good one -- and with a few marathons under my belt, my confidence in my running ability has increased significantly.  All that was left was the swimming!

Now, I'd never been much of a swimmer.  In fact, I'd never swum a lap.  Not one.  Pools were for Marco Polo and relaxation.  I literally hadn't been in a pool in over 20 years -- I could probably dog-paddle to the deep end if I had to, and if shipwrecked I could probably make my way to the nearest lifeboat...but that's about it.  So, I was literally starting from scratch here.  I read a few books, watched a few Total Immersion videos, and started making thrice-weekly trips to the local pool with my training partner.  Six months of hard work, and I still sank like a rock.  What to do?  Hire a coach, of course!  Fortunately, I knew a guy who wasn't just a swimmer, he was a two-time All-American and Division I coach who still holds several records at the University of Florida.  Perfect!  So, back to the pool...three times per week...but once with the coach, and twice with my training partner.  And...

After six months with the coach, my 1500m time had miraculously dropped below 30 minutes to about 26 minutes -- a major success, right?  Well, many of you probably know that a 26-minute 1500m is almost, but not quite, fast enough to make most junior high school swim teams.  So, after a year of swimming and six months of work with a top-notch coach, I was just fast enough to get lapped by most decent 14-year-olds.  Humbling?  Yes, to say the least.

I'm not much of a quitter, and a quick browse of my blog will reveal a fair amount of determination and drive.  But, apparently, I'm also not much of a swimmer.  I'm also enough of a realist to know when it's time to move on.  It's in this spirit that I ask you...is it time?  Focus on marathons, duathlons, perhaps ultras?  Is it time to give up my Iron dreams?  

The Moments We Remember

Fair warning: Today's post isn't much about marathoning or multisport.

Many of you know that on March 8th, at the age of 35, I became a father. I mentioned our daughter briefly in one previous post, and she's now just over two months old. As any parent can tell you, the first few months can be pretty tough, and sleep becomes a luxury -- but there are other luxuries that aren't mentioned nearly as often, but are even more important. One of those luxuries is simply time with my beautiful daughter.

To give my wife a few extra hours' sleep, I usually take the early morning feeding (about 0600 or 0630), and feed her from a bottle. I gently pick up our little Monkey from her crib, and hold her while I warm the milk and get things ready. She usually barely stirs at this point, and settles into my arms and chest in a way that only a baby can -- it's amazing how they just fit. The house is completely quiet, and it's usually still dark outside, and it's just me and my little girl. I couldn't manipulate my regular camera with her in my arms this morning, but was able to reach my phone -- but this is what I see as I look down:

Now, somehow, I'm supposed to wake her up and feed her -- but I often end up just staring at her for a long time, marveling at our miracle child. To make matters worse, shortly after picking her up, as she relaxes, her arms move to her sides -- and about nine times out of ten, she actually holds my finger:

Trust me, as a new father, this is enough to melt your heart and bring a tear to your eye. Running, races, training, and cancer fade into the background, and only my daughter and I exist for those moments. And it occurs to me that as I hold that same hand to walk her down the aisle 20 or 30 years from now, I know -- this is a moment I will always remember.

Reasons for Running

If you've been following my blog for long (it's only been around a few weeks), you'll see in my sidebar that my next big race is the Seattle Marathon in November.  Now, this should generate one obvious question -- who would schedule a marathon in Seattle in November, one of the most dismal, dreary, and miserable months of the year?  In general, most normal runners don't like running in conditions like uphill, into the wind, in the wet, and/or in the cold -- basically, Big Sur -- but Seattle is a close second.  So, why run Seattle?  

I want to tell you about my friend JD.  Now, I have known JD since the fourth grade, when his father and mine were stationed together at a small outpost called Camp Walker in South Korea (eating ice cream after playing soccer -- JD is standing, I'm the one with the wristbands. Trust me, they were cool then):

We were next-door neighbors, and did almost everything together -- played soccer, played Dungeons and Dragons, had sleepovers, the works.  Through the years, our friendship has changed and grown, but we're still as close as we were in the fourth grade -- and in 2000, JD was the Best Man in my wedding.  

JD was never a small guy.  At least, he was always bigger than me -- taller, stronger, and so forth.  The problem was, as he got older and started working harder and caring for his family, he just kept getting...well...bigger:

Being a senior executive at Microsoft and a workaholic didn't help, neither did genetics.  Last Thanksgiving, JD decided to try losing some weight...then, this past New Year's Eve, JD -- at 36 -- nearly had a heart attack, resulting in an ambulance ride to the emergency room, and a diagnosis of atrial fibrulation, a condition often caused by obesity.  The condition continued, happening sometimes multiple times in a day, resulting in three cardiology visits in six weeks.  Doctors then discovered a mitral valve prolapse, and a left ventricular hypertrophy -- combined, the conditions paint a scary picture of heart condition.  So, JD made a commitment that many of us have made -- get in shape, and lose weight.  A LOT of weight.

By March, JD had lost 72 pounds, at which point he and I had a long talk.  He talked about his wife and two beautiful children, and how the New Year's Eve episode had scared him more than he had been able to express -- especially with regard to his children.  In the photo above, he tipped the scales at 320+ pounds -- and his goal was to 100 pounds by summer, which would take him back to size he was when I knew him in high school.  You've done the math by now -- radical change in diet, exercise, and lifestyle -- and dropping 100+ pounds in about six months.  It seemed impossible, but with dedication and the watchful eye of a physician and nutritionist, he thought he could do it -- but was concerned that he wouldn't be able to keep it off.  So, I told him -- if he met his goal of losing 100 pounds, I'd come out to Seattle and run the marathon in his honor, raising money for his favorite charity -- but he had to run it with me. It would give him a goal to work toward, and help keep the weight off -- and we'd get to spend 26 miles telling great stories about the pranks we pulled on each other 25 years ago.  

By April, he had lost 95 pounds.  About a week ago, JD called to tell me that he had accepted my challenge -- to run a marathon -- and that he had met his goal, and sent this pic:

Yep, that's the same guy -- 100 pounds lighter.  So, the game is on -- and I'm heading to Seattle to reconnect with an old friend, honor his accomplishment, and toast his success.  

We all run for different reasons.  Some run to get in shape, some run for fun, some are social runners, some run for competition, some run just to get outside.  I run to beat cancer, and to inspire people.  So, what inspires someone who runs just to inspire others?  JD does.  Way to go, JD.  See you in November.