The Youngest Runner...

Okay, I couldn't resist.  I had gotten back from a run and taken off my fuel belt while stretching on the floor next to Monkey.  Fascinated by my fuel belt, she just had to investigate...

I'm afraid I just couldn't resist taking off my hat and putting it on her head...

Welcome Little Monkey, the newest member of the running community!

Feeling Fragile

I'm tempted to start with another apology for it being so long since my last post, but I have a feeling that's getting old...so I won't bother.

Wow, it's been a tough month!  The last two rounds of chemotherapy  have really hit me hard, and made me quite sick...so, going into this last round (#9), I wasn't really looking forward to it (am I ever, really?).  To make matters worse, I picked up a stomach virus two days before starting chemo, so I entered the chemo treatment barely recovered from a nasty bug...what I'm saying is that I wimped out.  I only completed four of the five rounds of chemotherapy.  It's the first time, in 21 rounds of chemotherapy over two years, that I've ever failed to complete a round.  I had been physically sick off and on for two months, and seriously ill for four or five days before and during chemo...and well, I just...ran out.  Ran out of everything.  Stamina, the will and desire to fight it, physical strength...but it was mostly mental.  I looked at my last dose of chemotherapy on Thursday night, having been sick for days, knowing the last dose would make me even more sick, and just couldn't do it.  I tried a new anti-nausea med (phenergan), and it knocked me out like nothing has ever done...literally, I took one about 9:30am when I was feeling sick, and woke up eleven hours later.  Somehow, Pooh tells me we went to the mall and had a burger, but I don't remember much of it.  Crazy...but I didn't get sick, so I suppose it did it's job.   

I'm always amazed by how many people tell me how "strong" they think I am.  But in this blog -- more venting than anything else -- I sure don't feel it.  On the contrary, I feel extremely fragile.  More fragile than I think I've ever felt in this whole process.  I feel weak, sick, tired, and run down.  There are interesting ironies here, by the way -- isn't it ironic that a runner "ran out" of strength and feels "run down"?  That might be worth a blog sometime...how our language has developed metaphors for fatigue focused on running...hmmm...

But I digress.  As I'm learning to expect, the blogger community stepped up BIG...during three weeks of blog silence, I got messages on voicemail, e-mail, Facebook, even comments through this blog, all checking in to make sure I was doing okay.  To answer everyone who so kindly thought of me -- I'm okay.  But that's about it.  Seattle Marathon training is going well, and believe it or not I've only missed two cross-training days (and no runs) in the last two months of off-and-on illness.  10-mile run planned for this weekend, and I feel up to it.  Pooh, Monkey, and running remain my solace.  Today, for the first time in a long time, I feel good -- healthy.  Tempo run tomorrow, which is my favorite...and thanks to many of you, I'm ready.  Next blog will be more positive, I promise!